Dear Jack & Jill [11.15.2010]

Editorial Board

Dear Jack and Jill,

I have a big problem. I love my boyfriend and I really think he’s THE one, but he won’t stop smoking. I hate it so much. He smoked when we met but he quit very soon after we met. Then he went back maybe four months later, and now it seems like I can’t do anything to get him to quit again. It seems like he loved me enough to quit before, but not now. It’s really a terrible habit. It messes up everything. His apartment, his car, his clothes, his teeth, his breathe, his hair. And what it does to his health is hurting me a lot. I hate watching him, knowing his bad habit will take him away from me some day.


You think he is the one? How old are you again? Nagging Your boyfriend to death isn’t going to convince him to quit anytime soon. Women go into relationships thinking they can change things, men go into them hoping they won’t change. If he smoked when you got together, then he is not going to stop now.

Trust me, you do something that he can’t stand I assure you. What is it about his smoking that you can no longer tolerate? Is it the fact that he may have a stress reliever that doesn’t involve you? Leave him alone, he is not on crack, your man will quit when he is ready. If you don’t you might be out the door before his next pack.


I see that you really love your boyfriend. But you don’t have to put up with someone that does not stop to think that his action of smoking is hurting you. I hate to break this to you but your boyfriend is most likely not going to quit smoking. He may love you but he is addicted, it would take a lot of his own willpower to quit. Telling him to stop will not make him quit because the only way for someone to quit that nasty habit is they have to decide that it is only hurting him to continue doing it.

If he started smoking again after the first attempt to quit, there is a good chance that he may quit but later on start smoking again. The best thing you can do is see if he makes his own decision to stop and then encourage him to continue resisting his temptations because it will be hard for him to quit without your support. It will be an ongoing struggle for him. If he decides not to quit no matter how much you beg him you may just have to learn to deal with it or dump him.