Jordan Harris, Times staff

I’m not here to burn it all down, as I once truly believed, it would take far too many people I have grown affectionate toward.

People who, through choice or circumstances, have made a life they find worthwhile in all of this absolute meaninglessness. Who am I to decide these fates, none but my own. I shall enjoy the relationships and bonds, the shared memories, and romantic versions of hope so utterly ridiculous in their worldview.

I shall share in the despair, the greed. I will spend countless hours telling myself I made the wrong choice, and that there is still time. Still time to organize, and revolt. Still time to erase all the hate. Still time to destroy. Nothing but justice for all is worth saving. Who amongst us, the privileged, the educated, the mighty, were taught to submit or settle.

Could it be me, could I be the spark? One brief moment, before it goes dark. What use is my heart. If not for thoughts such as these. I’m far too feeble, afraid, unable to speak.

Is it the meek? It can’t be like this, this isn’t living. Far too much forgiving. I seek death and denial. The roots set on fire. Darwin and Newton. Physics and trig. Y’all stuck on 2pac and Big. It’s not a mystery. Ok, I think I’m done. Just gonna watch the rain from my balcony and finish this cig.

You know I don’t care about the things that most of the world does, what I do care about is many of the people in this world. The abject disgust, the resolute disdain, I feel about this overabundance of empathy I have for a society that shows no signs of improving, no interest in becoming or at least attempting any sort of equality, leaves me at the point of submission. Yet each day I wake and persevere with perverseness. It is sick how I let myself fall into social traps and common experience. I find so much of my joy in these moments. Just being simple. Accepting this gift from the universe, finding myself right where I always wanted to be, in that moment.

The moment ends, I need more moment.

Give me moments.

I want all of the moments.

These moments are not enough.

I need a worthy moment.

Am I worthy of the moment?

I’m sorry to bother you, but do you have a moment to spare?