[media-credit id=41 align=”alignnone” width=”400″][/media-credit]Butterflies in your stomach, you found the guy of your dreams and are on cloud nine. You get this sick feeling and your intuition kicks in that this true love might be having an affair.

People lie for many reasons, but when they start lying over and over, it can become second nature and when they start to lie to their boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband about little things, you may think to yourself, “What did I do wrong?” or “Am I not attractive enough?” Whether society deems it wrong or society believes that human beings are not equipped to be monogamist, adultery hurts both partners.

Your partner may blame it on media, their peers or up-bringing, and that may be true for some. For the most part, however, cheating in your relationship has to do with “choice.” “Media depicts the normal acceptance,” said Angela Hughes, director of business development specialist for County Federal Credit Union.

“I think cheating is personal,” and has nothing to do with the media, said Michelle Martinez, 19, an administration of justice student.
Women’s and men’s reasons for adultery are different in their desires and fantasies.

Donald Beck, 22, a science major, said men cheat because “they want someone new, different or like getting caught.” Hughes, 49 and married, said men cheat because “they have fear of commitment and responsibility.”

Women, on the other hand, have other ways of cheating.

Krista Lopez, 18, a sociology major, said, “Women are trying to prove something to themselves, but it doesn’t prove anything.” If she was cheated on, Krista said, she would forgive him once, depending. “Shame on me once, shame on him twice.”

Married means commitment, one love for eternity with your true love, but married couples can cheat just like other adulterers. Husbands and wives cheat because,“they were not ready for commitment,” Martinez said.

Eric Lartigue, 21, an SJCC student, said a married couple cheats usually because “Their marriage is going bad.”

The effect of adultery is not just about the couple but it could involve children. The adultery is not what a child sees, but they see less communication and love and tension said James A. Patterson, a San Jose City College psychology professor. “The children are influenced by the parents’ less communication. It is a bigger signpost for problems.”

Men and women have their own reasons for committing adultery, quenching their desires, telling lies and in the interim, ruin a relationship to satisfy personal interests.

Cheating has been around since Adam and Eve, men and women have been less than faithful because of up-bringing, attraction to something different or having a unsatisfied libido. We can blame it on media and other reasons, but does that mean adultery should be accepted? Should we throw out the word commitment?

Adultery may satisfy the other partner but cheating can affect the boyfriend, girlfriend or wife and sometimes the children. I think cheaters are only in a relationship for financial security, sexual benefits and a place to live.

“Satisfying your desires, fantasies is a very normal for men and women,” said Patterson.