After a long absence, the Times\u2019 resident advice guru is back. Let\u2019s get to it:<\/p>\n
Yo Jazz,<\/strong><\/p>\n How you doing? Love the advice column. I got this girlfriend. She’s hot. But she doesn\u2019t like me smoking. I smoked before I met her. It\u2019s what I do. We get along good. Things are cool. But I\u2019ve got to dump her. What you think? Should I move on? She won\u2019t give it a rest.<\/p>\n – RR<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Dear RR,<\/strong><\/p>\n It seems to me like you have a two-girl situation.<\/p>\n One girl, you guys have been tight forever. She’s cool and simple, and comes in packs of twenty. She knows everyone worth knowing, and introduces you all her homies out on the balcony at every house party.<\/p>\n The new girl, though, she’s sexy. She’s flesh and blood and pushes back and challenges you in ways you didn’t expect. You get along, maybe you even see a future with her.<\/p>\n You went into the situation thinking, hey, you can share. You got enough for both. One little smoke before you pick up your girlfriend, a quick duck out of dinner to take the edge off \u2013 she\u2019ll never even know, right? Turns out she does; she smells it on you and won\u2019t let it go.<\/p>\n Nope, you tried, but what you’re finding is that she is not the sharing type.<\/p>\n So yes, you can break up with your girlfriend. You’ll have your smokes, and smokes will never change. You\u2019ll get a little wrinklier, and she’ll probably get more expensive, but you still get that same illicit rush when you light her up that you did that very first time.<\/p>\n And she’ll always be there for you. When you first wake up in the morning, she’ll be the first thing on your mind. Before you go to sleep, she’ll be the taste lingering on your lips. She’ll be there for every 15 minute break, lunch hour, and after-work beer for the rest of your life. To love and to cherish, ’til death do you part.<\/p>\n Or maybe, you break up with cigarettes and give it a try with your girlfriend.<\/p>\n Yeah, maybe it\u2019s not \u201cfair\u201d that you were smoking first, and your girlfriend knew it when she started dating you. But relationships aren\u2019t about fairness.<\/p>\n So maybe give it a try. Break up with smokes, and give being a one-woman man a real go. Maybe it will work out, and maybe it won’t, but at least you\u2019ll be able to look back with pride, knowing you took a chance.<\/p>\n And hey, if it doesn’t work out, you-know-what will still be around for you to take up with again.<\/p>\n Best of luck,<\/strong><\/p>\n Jazzy<\/strong><\/p>\n Dear Jazzy,<\/strong><\/p>\n I need some advice with my boyfriend. I should say boyfriends! Because he’s like two people. When we are alone, he loves me and I love him a lot. But when his friends are around, he changes. He tries to be cool all the time and gets mean to me. He makes me mad, and we get into fights. Not real fights, just yelling. I think it’s over all the time; then he comes back, and we\u2019re cool again. I love him. I just want him to be like he is when we\u2019re alone. He can be so sweet. What do you think? What can I do to make him stop being mean to me in front of his friends?<\/p>\n Sincerely,<\/strong><\/p>\n C.<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Hey C.,<\/strong><\/p>\n The way your boyfriend treats you sounds really sucky.<\/p>\n I don’t know why he does it. Maybe his friends have teased him about getting a girlfriend, and he’s self-conscious about changing the group dynamic. Maybe that’s how his parents act, and he’s following their model for unhealthy relationships. Maybe he’s just been socialized to some wrongheaded macho ideal that says men don\u2019t show affection.<\/p>\n These are all possible reasons, but reasons aren\u2019t excuses. They don\u2019t make it hurt any less when he gives you the two-faced treatment.<\/p>\n Tell him this when you\u2019re both calm and cool, and not after another blow-up. Tell him his private sweet talk isn’t worth anything if he doesn’t back it up with his public actions. Tell him how he\u2019s really hurt you, and you don\u2019t deserve to be treated that way.<\/p>\n And if he doesn’t have a come to Jesus moment right there, and apologize for acting like a huge jerk, there\u2019s nothing you can do to \u201cmake\u201d him stop.<\/p>\n Except leave, because you deserve better than that. You deserve someone who adores you and isn\u2019t afraid to shout it to the world.<\/p>\n Best of luck,<\/strong><\/p>\n Jazzy<\/strong><\/p>\n Struggling with family or friends, at work or school? Having a personal problem, and don\u2019t know what to do? Write to \u201cDear Jazzy\u201d at citycollegetimes@jaguars.sjcc.edu to get her take on it.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" After a long absence, the Times\u2019 resident advice guru is back. Let\u2019s get to it: Yo Jazz, How you doing? Love the advice column. I got this girlfriend. She’s hot. But she doesn\u2019t like me smoking. I smoked before I met her. It\u2019s what I do. We get along good. Things are cool. But I\u2019ve…<\/p>","protected":false},"author":502,"featured_media":11624,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,379],"tags":[398,400],"staff_name":[],"class_list":["post-11607","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-showcase","tag-advice","tag-dear-jazzy"],"yoast_head":"\n
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