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Dear Jazzy: Puppy love


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Dear Jazzy,
Your advice helps a lot of people. Maybe you can help me.

I have a relationship problem. My boyfriend, I will call him “Jesse,” does not love me. He says he does, but I know he does not, because he will not do what is needed to bring us closer. All I want is some more of his time. And I want him to dress better. And I would like it very much if he would get rid of his two dogs that he thinks need to be with us 24/7 no matter what.

He is a good guy but he is not treating me well. He does not have much money, I know, but the money he does have goes to things other than me. He says he is saving for a car, but I do not believe it.

I do not know what to do. I keep saying the same things over and over and I keep hoping he will change. Lately, I just want to give up. What do you think? What can I do? What should I do?

Sincerely,

In Love But Unhappy


 

Dear In Love But Unhappy,

I am thrilled that you reached out to me and find my advice column helpful. I am here to help any way I can.

It is completely understandable that you want to spend more time with your boyfriend “Jesse.” That is not too much of a task.

But it sounds like you are expecting so much from him and you yourself do not seem willing to compromise. I was on your side when you listed that you wanted to spend more time with him, but when you got into listing all his faults such as dressing better, actually getting rid of his dogs and not spending money on you, I have to be honest and say you sound high maintenance.

Relationships all have to do with compromise, and it seems like you want “Jesse” at your beck and call, that is completely unfair. And what kind of person wants someone to get rid of his dogs in order to spend more time with her? You have to realize, he has been in a long term committed relationship with two other beings before you, and those are his dogs. It is very selfish of you to ask him to get “rid” of them. Because the reality is, the dogs will most likely be there for “Jesse” long after he leaves you for all of these ridiculous requests.

I have to ask, what makes you so suspicious that “Jesse” is not saving up for a car. He is doing a very admirable thing and is working toward a goal. It sounds you are working toward his wallet and undivided attention. If “Jesse” not treating you well consists of him not spending as much time and money with or on you, then you have it easy. There are other relationship struggles that go far beyond money and time.

But you say you are in love with him. Maybe you should show it in a kind and thoughtful way rather than tell him how to do this or that. He will see you putting an honest effort in preserving your relationship, so he just might do the same.

And if it still does not work out, I believe a mutual break up must occur and you can move onto beginning a relationship with someone who can fulfill your attention and financial desires.

Best of luck,
Jazzy

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Dear Jazzy: Puppy love